Thursday 15 December 2011

NoTW insists Milly Dowler phone hack merely ‘sickening’ not ‘deeply abhorrent’

After the Leveson inquiry heard that Milly Dowler’s voicemails might have been merely listened to by the News of The World, rather than deleted, those involved have asked to reclassified as just ‘horrible scumbags’.

Lawyers for the News International group said previous allegations might now be proven false, and that the public should therefore elevate their perception of anyone who involved in the scandal at the News of the World to ‘utterly repellent’.

A spokesperson for the group told reporters, “We’ve seen terms thrown around such as ‘worse than Hitler’ and ‘sub-human scum’, when really those people involved in this investigation are just terrible, terrible human beings.  Hopefully these new facts will help everyone see that.”

“They’re not sub-human scum, they’re human scum – and these latest revelations will let everyone see that.”

Leveson inquiry

Experts are predicting a rush from former News of the World employees coming forward in the hope of being reclassified as a mere ‘scumbag’.

As one former reporter who asked to remain nameless explained, “I’m just a disgusting excuse for a journalist, and I don’t see why I have to be demonised for that fact.”

“We’re not as bad as everyone thinks, so you all need to lighten up and accept all of the illegal morally reprehensible things we did.”

“Let’s all just call us what we were, maggots feeding on the rotting carcass of modern society, nothing less, and move on. Thanks.”

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