Tedious people still getting cancer

author avatar by 12 years ago

A new survey has found that people who don’t drink, smoke, eat anything fun and also exercise a sickening amount, are still getting cancer.

New research showed that over half of cancers are completely unrelated to lifestyle, proving that it doesn’t matter how tediously healthy your existence has become, you can still get cancer.

The news has shocked a number of Daily Mail readers after the story was reported in their comic as “Not getting cancer gives you cancer”.

Healthy eater Barbara Walters told us, “You think I eat spinach for fun? Now I know the truth I’m tempted to just buy donuts and take my chances.”

“At least I’ll have a smile on my face instead of this gaunt pasty grimace that my friends tell me has now become my trademark.”

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Doctors have warned against people using the figures in the exact way they’ve been reported, and to now simply consider cancer as being luck of the draw.

“Yes, most cancers are simply luck of the draw, but that’s not the point.” said one doctor addressing a room full people gorging on cakes and drinking from cans of Special Brew.

“The point is that there are still some which can see their likelihood significantly reduced just by chang….oh forget it.”