Tuesday 6 December 2011

Standard and Poor’s to issue Pope Catholicism warning

Standard & Poor’s are to continue their current trend of issuing blindingly obvious warnings by downgrading Pope Benedict XVI to ‘probably Catholic’.

After spending the morning reminding everyone that everything in Europe is ‘fucked to the tits’, S&P eagerly set about confirming other things that everyone is already fully aware of.

A spokesperson for S&P said, “We’ve been monitoring Pope Benedict for some time, and it would be dereliction of our duties not to warn you that there is a strong possibility that he is of a Catholic persuasion.”

“We don’t wish to cause undue alarm, but there are strong signs that he might be performing a ceremonial mass in the coming days and weeks.”

S&P warning

People who have given so much as a cursory glance at a newspaper in the last two months reacted with little surprise at the latest S&P warnings.

Consumer Mike Williams said, “I’m half expecting their next warning to be that a mindless music-industry automaton will win X Factor, or that Christmas will be extremely disappointing this year.”

“Hang on, they get paid HOW much for this information?”

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