Thousands of passengers are facing a second day of disruption as a dense supernatural fog containing zombified former employees of a collapsed airline continues to force the cancellation of flights in and out of London.
The foggy conditions had been expected to lift by about 10:00 GMT on Sunday but the glowing fog bank began to behave in a strange manner, moving in a direction contrary to the general wind flow.
The leader of the ghouls is believed to be none other than Freddie Laker, former CEO of the bankrupted Laker Airways, whose spirit is said to have become restless after rivals successfully copied his no-frills business model.
Matt Rigby, from London, spent the day at Heathrow having seen his midday flight to Moscow held hostage by a group of badly-dressed entities wielding swords.
He said: “Staff didn’t know what to do and gave conflicting advice. It was absolutely disgraceful and I say that as someone who has travelled with RyanAir.”
Rigby went on, “There were lots of other people standing around in queues being attacked by vengeful demons with piercing red eyes and in the line next to me I witnessed a member of the clergy being decapitated. It was all pretty chaotic.”
“Other countries experience much worse supernatural fogs than we do and yet they seem to carry on as normal. It’s not like we didn’t have any warning.”
“I’ll be writing a pretty shitty letter to the head of BAA I can tell you that.”
BBC Weather forecaster Holly Green said: “The Met Office are warning the public to stay out of the fog. I repeat – stay out of the fog.”
“There is something in the fog which may cause further travel problems, particularly during Monday morning rush hour and we advise the public to travel only if it’s.. arrrrgh.. .aargh .oh my God ..no ..no please.. I beg you..no no ..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh…”