Nation busy googling ‘flesh-eating kangaroos’

author avatar by 12 years ago

As the new series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here began on ITV, the nation has become transfixed on the idea of a flesh-eating marsupial storming the camp in the middle of the night and devouring the contestants alive.

The series began by introducing a wide range of people you don’t know, among faces of people you’ve never seen, interspersed with a couple who might have been recognisable in the nineties.

Viewer Sarah Matthews told us, “Once again they have taken mediocrity to a whole new level.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a trade descriptions infringement, right? Clearly that show should be called I’m A Fucking Nobody Now Let Me Eat Some Testicles For Your Entertainment.”

“How am I supposed to know which of them should sleep in a vat of animal faeces if I’ve no idea who they are?”

I’m A Celebrity, Honest

Television owners Simon Williams told us, “I’ve been researching, and though Kangaroos are strict herbivores, and evolution can take millions of years, I’m still hoping that a savage meat-eating genus will emerge before the series finishes.”

“It might somehow make its way into camp and get stuck into that moron from that Essex abomination.”

“It might need to be post-watershed, but I guarantee ITV it will be the biggest audience they’ve ever had.”

“Imagine seeing Freddie Starr devoured by something that looks like a bit like a giant Hamster, oh the irony.”