Sanctimonious owners of highly visible ‘eco-friendly’ devices have welcomed a cut to the feed-in tariff for solar panels, as it ensures they can once again be seen as morally superiority to you and I.
Revisions to the scheme will see solar panel owners paid 50% less for any surplus energy they create and feed back into the national grid.
“It was getting increasingly hard for us to take the moral high ground”, declared Heidi Swithington, who covered the most visible side of her Surrey home with photo-voltaic cells long before they were even remotely financially viable.
“Some of my neighbours thought I’d done it for the money, completely ignoring the fact that what I care about most is people knowing that I care about the planet more than them.”
“It’s a huge relief to know that my passion for the environment can no longer be mistaken for sound economics. I’m going to celebrate by buying a taller, more obvious windmill.”
Solar subsidies cut
The government has been under pressure to reduce the subsidy for solar power, after several companies were discovered taking advantage of the scheme.
“When you’re investing in eco projects, money should be no object”, claimed Swithington. “That’s why I’m calling for an end to the £5k subsidy on electric cars, too.”
Swithington claims she ordered her zero-emission vehicle without realising she was being subsidised by tax payers.
“It should have given me a warm fuzzy feeling to see it charging in the street next to Cassandra’s Ford Focus. But since she read about the scheme, I’m faced with constant jokes about how ‘I wasn’t fully charged’.”
“It’s so embarrassing, I’ve taken to hiding it in my garage.”
The CBI claims the policy is an ‘own goal’, which has caused an unwelcome spike in carbon admissions during conversation at dinner parties.
“This tariff was put in place to reduce hot air”, said a spokesman.
“By subsidising these people with money from families that can barely afford their energy bills, we’d managed to shame most of the eco-vocalists into silence.”
“If the average family is denied solar power, the few that can afford it will spend all their time trying to turn us green with guilt.”
“We think London in particular could see the return of choking, thick clouds of smug.”