False hope should be available on the NHS, insists Archbishop of York

author avatar by 12 years ago

The Archbishop of York has insisted during a debate in the House of Lords that the NHS bill for England must feature health care that is centred around his belief that you can cure someone by having a jolly good pray and lighting a candle.

Dr John Sentamu told peers, “I am one of those people who completely ignores all available facts when it comes to reaching a decision on a number of issues.”

“If I told you that I once cured a young girl who had been left petrified after seeing a goat sacrificed then you might think that I was a bit mental.”

“You might also ask yourself why is this in any way relevant, but that’s just Satan playing with your head.”

“All I did was say a prayer, anoint her and light a candle, and she was cured of an illness that I’ve named Severe Goat Truama.”

“What more proof do your so called experts need?”

Faith healing on NHS

Doctors have welcomed Dr Sentamu’s claims over the effectiveness of spiritual healing.

“The A&E department on a Saturday night is always heaving with people who have been left petrified by goats,” said Dr Graham Murray of the Great Western hospital in Swindon.

“Cutting down on the length of time we spend dealing with goat-related accidents will free up valuable time and resources for more urgent cases,” he enthused.

“Oh no, wait a minute, I don’t mean goats, I mean alcohol. Sorry, yeah, he’s an idiot.”