Wednesday 2 November 2011 by Spacey

Bank of England launch new £50 note for shopkeepers to refuse

The Bank of England have placed a new £50 note into circulation which shopkeepers will be able to examine suspiciously for a few minutes before asking whether you have anything smaller.

The new £50 banknote, which features two men that people are pretending they’ve heard of, will eventually take over from the note carrying the portrait of Sir John Houblon, who without checking the facts we think invented Laser Quest.

It is believed that there are as many as 210 million £50 notes in circulation, which are seldom seen by anyone without a criminal record.

Current retail guidelines clearly indicate that anyone carrying a £50 note is definitely involved in numerous forms of criminal activity and the introduction of the new banknote has prompted retailers to review their security procedures.

New £50 note

“If a sales assistant finds themselves in a situation where somebody is attempting to use a £50 note to buy something then they should immediately adopt an expression of total fear and confusion,” advised retail manager Rachel Marsh.

“I would also advise making a phone call to a supervisor while playing nervously with the handset cable,” she added.

A survey also highlighted that the majority of the public are highly suspicious of anyone in possession of a £50 note.

64% revealed that they would suspect anyone possessing a £50 note of being a criminal, with the remaining 36% assuming that they must be a politician on their way to a brothel.

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