Tuesday 18 October 2011 by Waylandsmithy

Dale Farm residents apply for Israeli passports

As their legal defence runs out of steam, travellers at Dale Farm have made one last-ditch attempt to save their community in a direct appeal to Israel’s Ambassador, by declaring themselves Jewish.

“We share the same plight as our Israeli brothers”, claimed Moragh O’Brien, speaking on behalf of the nomads.

“We’re the constant victims of mild criticism, when all we want is the right to build massive walled communities amongst people we don’t like.”

O’Brien explained how her people shared the grim spectre of ethnic cleansing. “The council are always pursuing my people, and tidying up after us. It’s exactly like the holocaust, as you can see from our placards which clearly state this is just like the holocaust,” reasoned O’Brien.

“Our claims are kosher, my cousin Dara was even circussized for a bit. They kicked him out when they found he couldn’t juggle, and all their tent pegs were missing.”

Dale Farm appeal

As Dale Farm seeks international recognition as a suburb of Jerusalem, the residents are demanding the same privileges that Israel enjoys.

“Is it too much to ask for some attack helicopters, and maybe a small tactical nuclear device to defend ourselves?”, asked O’Brien.

“We live under the constant threat of being moved to adequate housing, other people paying our legal expenses, and the exposure of our massively exaggerated claims of being hard-done-by.”

“In a lot of ways, the people of Basildon are like the Palestinians. They want to tear down our walls, they highlight our criminal activities, and then cower in fear after pointing the finger.”

“All we want is the right to do whatever we like without any repercussions. The Israeli ambassador was completely with us on that.”

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