Tuesday 18 October 2011

Billionaires keen to remove last vestige of competition from their plaything

Foreign owners of English premier league clubs have announced they would like to see an end to relegation as none of them wants a Championship plaything to muck around with at the weekend.

It is thought that the influx of painfully rich owners have finally realised that only one club can win the league at a time, and that if the current trend continues then the spectre of a relegated billionaire is likely to be only a matter of time.

A spokesperson for a number of the club-owning billionaires told us, “They didn’t make billions and billions of pounds just to be subject to the same rules as clubs like Norwich City.”

“What is the point in having all of this money if you can’t bend the rules to ensure the game you’re playing is a game in which you can’t lose too badly?”

“The ‘Billionaire loser’ is a phrase you rarely hear, and there’s a very good reason for that.”

End to relegation

Critics have said the end to relegation and promotion would ruin a game which has worked perfectly since Sky invented it in 1993.

Wycombe fan Tom Davies told us, “The dream that you might one day get your arse handed to you on a plate at places like Old Trafford and Anfield is the dream for so many smaller clubs.”

However, the billionaires spokesperson told us, “We’re not saying this is the end to the premier league experience for smaller clubs, quite the opposite.”

“I know for a fact that some of the billionaires would happily offer some of these clubs cheap tickets if they don’t want to pay a fortune to watch the game on Sky.”

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