Tuesday 18 October 2011 by Spacey

89 year-old Windsor woman remains unconcerned about heating bill

An 89 year-old woman from Windsor has revealed that news of a new Sovereign Grant has given her peace of mind that she will be cosy and warm during the winter despite the soaring price of energy.

The woman, also known as the Queen, has expressed her delight that she will be able to heat her numerous homes even if she’s not in them.

“If I wanted to whack up the thermostat full blast, open all the windows and pop out for a while to wave at bystanders, then I could.”

The Queen also revealed that it’s not just the cost of heating that she doesn’t have to worry about.

“What’s to stop me going into every single room in whichever palace I happen to be in, turning on all the televisions and leaving them on?

“Nothing, that’s what!”

“I might even fancy opening all the fridge doors a fraction so that they have to work that little bit harder.”

Royal heating bill

Royal correspondent Damien Jarvis said, “To be able to continue doing things just because she can will come as a huge relief to the Queen.”

“Needlessly leaving the hot water on even after it has reached the required temperature because they can’t be arsed to get up and turn it off is something that is part of royal tradition.”

“You have to remember, having people who lead a privileged lifestyle at the taxpayers expense while some people have to decide between eating or staying warm is something that that makes us the envy of the world.”

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