Friday 14 October 2011 by Waylandsmithy

Letwin treats cabinet to emergency security review meeting in McDonalds

Cabinet Office Minister Oliver Letwin has defended his decision to host an emergency meeting of COBRA in a North London McDonalds restaurant.

Letwin called the meeting to discuss security, after a number of sensitive papers were found in bins near the Houses of Parliament.

“It’s nice to get out”, said Letwin. “And we’d promised Clegg a Happy Meal, so it seemed like the obvious place to hold a meeting.”

“They’ve got free Wi-Fi, so we were able to pass more sensitive details to each other on Twitter. That’s much safer than just blurting it out where anyone could be listening.”

Letwin’s treat

Cameron praised Letwin’s thrifty approach to national security, and highlighted a potential saving of £250 compared to an identical meeting at The Ivy.

“They also give away balloons”, said the PM, “There may have been a couple of leaks, and Hague got a bit of gherkin on his tie. But the Russian waiter was incredibly attentive, and came straight over when Letwin shifted his buns and revealed the secret sauce.”

Cameron expressed his ‘total confidence’ in Letwin, and praised the policy of free coffee top-ups.

“The meeting went well, the nice man even offered to tidy away our left-over paperwork. I’d like to hold the next meeting in Burger King, but I’m not sure everyone likes the idea.”

“When I asked Liam Fox if he thought he could squeeze in a couple more Whoppers, he went all defensive.”

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