Thursday 13 October 2011

Not stealing money ‘harming MPs mental health’ warns doctor

The doctor responsible for the health of MPs has said that the new expenses rules preventing them from stealing your money is having an adverse effect on their ‘mental well-being’.

Dr Ira Madan told a committee looking into the system that “trying not to steal things is very stressful – especially when doing so is such a core part of your personality”.

“All this constant worrying if what they’re doing is ‘stealing’ is making them ill. Their so used to doing things that are illegal that it’s sometimes hard for them to know what to do when presented with tax payers’ funds.”

She went on, “And it’s not just the stealing thing. Constituents can now reach their MP by email – you have no idea what it’s like being readily contactable by the people who elected you.”

“MPs don’t become MPs in order to be inundated with requests for help from people they met briefly four years ago when pleading for support.”

Expenses making MPs sick

The claims have raised the very real possibility of MPs suffering stress-related illness, and therefore taking the requisite break from their duties.

One doctor told us, “I’m quite sure a break would do them the world of good. Let them go out into society and steal some stuff, tell some massive lies, just connect with their roots, you know?”

Another told us, “I dealt with this one MP, who shall remain nameless, and he told me he wasn’t sure if using tax payer money to pay his best man as a parliamentary researcher was allowed or not, and it was worrying him sick.”

“He came back the next week and said he was was feeling fine again as he’d asked his rich and powerful friends to pay his best man’s advisor salary instead.”

“I haven’t heard from him since so I guess that it all went to plan.”

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