We’re going to need better phone tariffs, racists tell Cameron

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After prime minister David Cameron encouraged the public to report people they suspected of being illegal immigrants, racists insisted they’re going to need a lot more minutes on their monthly mobile tariff.

In a speech setting out measures to win back support from the BNP, Mr Cameron said people should report anyone they don’t like the look of to Crimestoppers and the UK Border Agency.

The move was welcomed by casual and hardcore racists alike, though concerns have already been raised about the financial implications of the new policy.

Racist Wayne ‘No, just Wayne’ told us, “The thing is, these numbers aren’t free from my mobile, so when I’m out and about and see one of those dodgy looking foreign blokes, it’s going to cost me some minutes to make that call.”

“I saw twenty-eight of them just on my way to work this morning. Add a couple of minutes for each suspected illegal immigrant and we’re talking several hours each day.”

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“It’s even more if they want me to send the photo I will no doubt be taken to show their brazen approach to being in public. I simply can’t afford this.”

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Others have asked if Cameron’s assertions that “together we can send illegal immigrants home” means that they will be invited to physically take part in the process.

“I must admit that the thought of chucking one into the sea does have a certain attraction,” continued Wayne.

“But I’m going to need petrol money.”