Tuesday 11 October 2011

‘Squeezed middle’ to see income fall to primitive 2003 levels, claims IFS

The institute of Fiscal Studies has warned that real income for the ‘squeezed middle’ is likely to fall to levels not seen since iPods had monochrome screens.

The IFS predicts that median incomes will fall in real terms by 7% until 2013, ensuring middle-income earners return to the days when they were jealous of people with 2MB broadband.

Middle manager Mike Davies told us, “This is terrible news. Do you remember 2003 and the daily struggles we all faced in order to survive? The endless queues for bread, the packs of feral animals roaming the streets, the televisions deeper than your fist. This is the nightmare scenario we now face.”

“I see plenty of people drawing attention to those children who will be living below the poverty line, but where are the protests for us? Where is our support infrastructure?”

“I mean my God, in 2003 I used to eat supermarket brand cereal – do they want me to go back to living like an animal?”

Incomes falling

An IFS spokesperson went on to explain that the fall in earnings is unlikely to have completely recovered until 2015, which further upset Mr Davies.

“Christ almighty, are you telling me that in four years time my standard of living will be exactly the same as it is now? What is this, communist Russia?”

“In four years time I want hoverboards and flying cars – now, tell me who I need to vote for to make that happen.”

However not everyone is upset at the return to 2003 living standards, with office worker Terry Simms telling us, “I’d happily go back to 2003, I had hair then you know.”

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