Tuesday 11 October 2011

Chances of Big Ben crushing everyone in Parliament unfortunately still tiny, warn experts

Big Ben tilting

Excitement around the news that London’s iconic Big Ben tower is beginning to tilt has been tempered after experts warned it is highly unlikely to fall on Parliament crushing everyone inside.

Recent measurements show that the tower is approximately 50 centimetres out of alignment at its highest point, some 10 metres short of the amount required before it would be likely to cause any harm to an MP.

Voter Simon Williams asked us, “Okay, so it’s unlikely, but what sort of odds are we talking here?

“I buy a lottery ticket every week so I’m no stranger to spending my week looking forward to an essentially impossible long-shot.

“Even a million to one chance of it falling and squashing the very life out of members of both sides of the house is fourteen times more likely than stuff that currently excites me.”

Structural engineers have claimed that despite the news of Big Ben’s slight tilt, if the mass dismemberment of our elected representatives is what you’re looking for, your best bet is still a terrorist atrocity.

As one explained, “Realistically, you’re looking at 4,000 years or more before that thing is likely to fall and kill anyone, never mind a front bench minister.

“It’s about time you all started to accept that a devastating accident is unlikely to get shot of the lot of them.  Sorry.”

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