Cat owners should definitely lose their human rights, claim dog owners

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Dog owners have this morning backed Home Secretary Theresa May by giving their full support to her plan to restrict the human rights of all cat owners.

May spoke at the Conservative party conference yesterday, telling delegates that people who like cats shouldn’t have rights like the rest of us normal people.

She told the conference, “Did you know that thanks to today’s Human Rights legislation, someone who surrounds themselves with cats can have full and free access to the NHS?”

“They also get to vote and have a reasonable expectation of fair treatment by the law. It’s outrageous, frankly.”

“Let me tell you now, I will do everything in my power to ensure that cat owners are treated like the vermin they are.”

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Human rights for cat owners

Dog owners have insisted that May’s approach is the right one, and claimed that this country would only return to former glories if her proposals are made into legislation.

Bulldog owner Mike Williams told us, “Dogs are wonderful, and if the rights of dog owners have to be improved as a result of this plan, then so be it.”

“You have to remember, a dog will sit on your lap because it loves you, but a cat will only sit on your lap because it’s warmer than the floor.”

“They’re mercenary little creatures only interested in themselves, I mean, when was the last time you saw a homeless person with a cat on a piece of string?”

Cat owners everywhere responded to the calls by telling reporters, “Let me ask you one thing, when was the last time you accidentally trod cat shit into your carpet?”