Monday 3 October 2011

Daily Mail watched Knox guilty verdict in alternate universe, insists Daily Mail

The Daily Mail is insisting that it published family reactions and prosecutor quotes to an Amanda Knox verdict that was never delivered due to a brief trip to an alternate universe.

The Mail briefly published a story claiming that the appeal of Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito had failed, including detailed reactions of those in court.

Daily Mail reporter Nick Pisa told us, “It definitely happened, I saw it with my own eyes.  There’s was a flash of light and then Amanda Knox was crying, before being taken back to prison – and all the prosecutors were celebrating.”

“I took copious notes and then there was another flash of light.”

“I filed my copy quickly like any good reporter, only to find out that in this universe she was found not guilty.  I’m as shocked as anyone.”

Mail reports Knox is guilty

Media analysts have suggested that this latest incident points to to the fact that the universe is clearly ganging up on the Daily Mail.

However one analyst disagreed, telling us, “This is not the first time we’ve had to assume someone at the Daily Mail doesn’t have their feet planted firmly in reality.”

A Daily Mail spokesperson concluded, “Of course our reporter briefly visited an alternative universe, why would anyone think different?”

“The alternative explanation is that we completely made up a story that we thought might happen, made up some quotes for it, and then completely fabricated the reactions of her family.  I know which is more believable.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)

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