Thursday 29 September 2011 by Gary Stanton

Saudi King Abdullah commutes woman’s sentence to light playful spanking

Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah has overturned a court ruling sentencing a woman to ten lashes, by offering her the chance to go over his knee instead.

The ruling, although not officially confirmed, was first tweeted by Princess Amira al-Taweel.

“Praise be to God, the lashing of Shema is to be replaced by gentle teasing slaps across her ripe yielding posterior. Mucho Thanx to our beloved King and his well-worn slipper ‘Mr Spanky’.”

It was then retweeted by a dormitory full of scantily-clad Saudi princesses who ran around giggling at the news.

In the event, Shema will be forced to wait outside the King’s study as he paces around before authoritatively choosing from his selection of spanking aides.

At present Mr Spanky is the favourite, but he faces stiff competition from Patsy Paddle and Terry the Tawse.

Saudi lashes commuted

In a further example of the regime’s incomprehensible barbarism, footage of the punishment will be made available on premium rate Saudi Pay TV as a lesson to all naughty girls who misbehave by thinking they can drive like men.

Ali al-Megrabi , a spokesman for the King said, “At the end of it Shema’s pert buttocks may have turned quite pink and so it may be necessary for King Abdullah to apply some soothing unguent such as Johnson’s Baby Oil or KY Jelly.”

“Yeah, we will be filming that bit as well.”

“Actually, come to think of it, it’ll definitely be KY Jelly as we outlawed the decadent Johnson’s Baby Oil in 1993.”

The sickening spectacle will then no doubt find its way on to Youtube, but as Al-Megrabi reminded us, no one is forcing you to watch it.

Meanwhile, it was announced last night that an plain-looking woman who, in defiance of her husband pulled a handbrake turn on a council estate in Jeddah, is to be stoned on Sunday.

Previous post:

Next post: