Thursday 29 September 2011

London Zoo make loan offer for Tevez

Manchester City’s suspended striker Carlos Tevez is the subject of an audacious loan move by popular visitor attraction, London Zoo.

The striker will not be training or playing with City for at least two weeks, leading to speculation regarding his future. Speculation that executives at London Zoo are keen to exploit.

A London Zoo spokesperson told us, “What better way to think about your future than by enjoying a full-board carefree existence, all in return for the entertainment of a few school children.”

“He can sit on as many benches as he likes here at the Zoo.  As long as he doesn’t throw faeces at the wall of his cage, we’re happy.”

“Man City will need to continue paying his wages, obviously, but we’ll provide him with as many live animals as he can eat – but not the endangered ones.”

“This is not a publicity stunt, we believe an exhibit like Tevez – which we’re thinking of calling ‘The Petulant Ogre’ – would do wonders for our global reputation.”

Tevez Suspended

Tevez’s commercial representative Kia Joorabchian has said that his client is considering the move, and that people like Inter Milan should hurry up in case London Zoo snap him up.

He told reporters, “London Zoo know the value of a sulking multi-millionaire, and have shown their commitment to Carlos by putting in place an entire new display area to show him off.”

“Plus, we’ve talked it through and he’s pretty happy that it’s definitely not in Manchester.”

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