Tuesday 27 September 2011 by Spacey

Richard Desmond launches lottery to raise funds for Richard Desmond

It is hoped that a new lottery that has been set up by Richard Desmond to raise money for Richard Desmond will provide Richard Desmond with enormous amounts of cash, Richard Desmond has revealed.

The health lottery, which will disguise itself as a charitable venture in order to extract money from idiots, will be drawn on Saturday evenings on ITV and Channel 5.

“This will be a unique opportunity for people to give me lots of money,” insisted Mr Desmond.

“In return they will receive a short-lived sense of hope followed by a lengthy feeling of deflation.”

Desmond Lottery

The launch of the game is being backed by a £20m publicity campaign and Health Lottery chief executive Martin Hall said the game would benefit everyone in Great Britain who is called Richard Desmond and owns the Daily Express.

The projects it aims to raise money for range from a Princess Diana shaped swimming pool and a 25ft inflatable Madeleine McCann for Mr Desmond’s garden.

Mr Desmond has hit back at charity leaders who have been critical about the amount of money that will be given to good causes.

“I think anyone who’s seen the plans for the theme park I’m going to build will disagree,” he said.

“Amongst other things, visitors to the park will be able to experience the coldest winter since records began, a muslim plot to blow up the pope and a genuine hatred for the European Union.”

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