Tuesday 27 September 2011

Miliband receives ovation for pledge to cut Facebook changes

Ed Miliband has has announced the most popular political policy of all time by insisting that a Labour government will do everything in its power to stop Facebook making any more changes to its user interface.

The Labour leader was addressing the party conference in Liverpool, and told delegates he had listened to the country and would be seeking to address the number one concern for British citizens today.

A Labour party insider told us, “Our research showed that a strong economic policy, and support for schools and NHS funding were nowhere near as important to people as tweaks to a free time-wasting service the government isn’t involved in.”

“The ‘Keep Facebook Simple’ bill will be central to our manifesto moving forward, and we are the only party committed to ensuring Facebook remains static for decades to come.”

Miliband Facebook promise

Voters have reacted positively to the news, with 28 year-old Shelley Williams of Bracknell telling us, “At last, a politician listening to what we really want.”

“They can talk about taking a couple of percent off VAT all they like, but right now nothing makes me angrier than not knowing where to click to be able to see photos of Sharon’s night out with Claire on Tuesday.”

Conservative party strategists are already discussing policy changes to counter the popular move, with one admitting, “We’re looking at ways of not only preventing Facebook from making changes, but to actually make them go back to the old interface.”

“If that doesn’t win us the hearts and minds of the nation, nothing will.”

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