Transfer Deadline Day – LIVE!

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It’s the most exciting day in the football calendar, when billionaires spend the day frantically swapping millionaires with each other for what amounts to pocket change, and we’ll have the very latest news for you right here!

Who will buy who, which player stopped for a piss at your local services, and can we find a player not yet linked to Harry Redknapp? All will be revealed today.

The latest news will appear at the top, so if you want to start at the beginning, you’ll need to go to the end.  Yes, we know how that sounds.

If you have a hot tip or transfer rumour can send us a Twitter message using hashtag #NTdeadline or leave a comment on our Facebook page and we might even include it.  Maybe.

21:50 – Rumours that Aston Villa have signed a world-class fullback. Unfortunately, it turns out it was Hutton dressed as Lahm.

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21:20 – It seems Mikel Arteta to Arsenal might be back on, but at 5’10” Wenger is concerned he is too tall for his side.  If Arteta commits to getting down to 5’8″ by Christmas, then the contract is there to be signed.

20:25 – Just three and half hours until Harry Redknapp lets Luka Modric out of the White Hart Lane basement.  It’s been a while, so we’re guessing he’ll be even paler than normal.

19:56 Peter Crouch is in talks with Stoke, but we understand any deal is on reliant on Stoke City relocating to North London – possible deal-breaker we’re being told.

17:10QPR boss Neil Warnock has spent the last four hours staring angrily at Craig Bellamy, who is staring angrily back at him.  Apparently this is how negotiations are done in the animal kingdom.

17:00Bolton’s Gary Cahill has locked himself in his bedroom after telling Owen Coyle ‘I hate you!’ a couple of dozen times after Coyle insisted on a cash-only deal from Spurs.

13:35 – We’re hearing that Emile Heskey is attracting a lot of deadline day interest, with Aston Villa expecting firm bids from several glue factories

13:22Liverpool’s spending appears to be at an end as owner John Henry tells us he’s given manager Kenny Dalglish a pretend chequebook to play with.  Apparently the call to Craig Bellamy was the last straw.

12:41 – Facebook correspondent Mark Beresford informs us that Manchester City have lost out on a key deadline day target, and Owen Hargreaves has signed on the dotted line for Holby City.

12:28Everton manager David Moyes has had a busy morning.  He’s bid for Kaka, Messi, Sneijder, and Eto’o, and even offered Jose Mourinho the job of assistant manager. He’s telling absolutely anyone who’ll listen, Football Manager 2011 is the best computer game in the world.

12:22 – It seems Shaun Wright-Phillips has had a loan agreement put in front of him by Bolton Wanderers, but unfortunately his signature ended up ten yards above the contract.

12:15Liverpool’s spending might not yet be over, as there are rumours that Kenny Dalglish has made a late bid to sign Steven Gerrard.  Officials are desperately trying to convince him this is a player he already owns.

12:05 – Big news from Tottenham, where Peter Crouch has been put on eBay with a buy-it-now price of £8m.  Top bid so far is £18.79 from eBay user TPulis55.

12:00 – And so it begins, the 12 hour countdown to the end of the transfer window, the biggest news so far is the Blackburn RoversSteve Kean has spent all morning on the phone to agents, but mostly trying to explain who he is, and where Blackburn is on a map.