God punishing North London rioters through football, claims Wenger

author avatar by 13 years ago

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has insisted God is punishing North London rioters through divine tactical ineptitude, following his side’s 8-2 hammering by Manchester United yesterday.

The Frenchman claims his side’s loss, coupled with Tottenham’s 5-1 defeat to Manchester City, was a clear indication that He was exerting his significant influence in such a clear way that even he could see it.

Wenger told reporters during his post game press conference, “Clearly God is seeking his recourse for the actions of a vast swathe of the population of North London, and he’s doing it through their enjoyment of football.”

‘The irony in all this, however, is that by dispensing His wrath on Arsenal’s players and their followers, He is turning my squad into a bunch of disaffected youths – just like the ones who caused all this trouble in the first place.”

“The saving grace is that should any of my boys try and put through the window of their favourite high street store, they would probably injure themselves in the process – or miss it altogether.”

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God hates North London

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp offered a different take on the events surrounding his team’s form, and the wave of disharmony affecting the area.

“I can’t imagine God determining the course of two games without a huge brown envelope being dumped in a collection tray during Sunday mass.”

“So tell him it’s ‘lesson learned’ and I’ll see him on Sunday.”