IBM’s new ‘human’ computer chip to think about doing some work after Eastenders

author avatar by 13 years ago

IBM has unveiled a new ‘human brain’ processor which it claims will revolutionise computing just as soon as it finishes watching television.

The computer manufacturer said it is the closest anyone has ever come to creating a chip that processes information in same slow, mistake-ridden, easily distracted way as a human brain.

A spokesperson said, “The challenge to make a computer that acts just like a human has finally been met.”

“Not only is it capable of completely drifting away from the task at hand in just a few moments, it also has an incredibly propensity for idle tittle-tattle.”

“In future, all spreadsheets will be much more fun. The first few cells will be calculated just fine, before they start getting filled slower and slower.  Eventually the cells will fill with things like ‘about a hundred, probably’.”

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“Then users will be faced with further messages like, ‘can we do something else now? I’m bored’.”

IBM human brain chip

IBM said that the complexity of the chip means it is already capable of absorbing huge amounts of information and interpreting it in the same way as a human.

“Only this morning it spat out a five page opinion on the current state of Eastenders’ Moon family.  And it did that all on it’s own after watching only a dozen episodes.  Amazing huh?”

Computer user Shane Williams told us, “I really don’t see the point of a computer than thinks like a human – surely the advantage of computers is that they’re absolutely nothing like people? Especially the ones I work with.”

“Though I suppose in the future you’ll be able to get rid of a lazy computer without all of that HR bullshit.”

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