Ryanair to introduce additional ‘pissed on by a celebrity’ supplement

author avatar by 13 years ago

Budget airline Ryanair is to introduce a new supplementary charge for passengers who are splashed by the urine of someone who has been in a film, as spokesperson has confirmed.

Chief Executive Michael O’Leary wasted no time in identifying the potentially lucrative market in people who enjoy being pissed on by someone they recognise ‘from the tellybox’.

O’Leary told reporters, “We recognised that being pissed on by a celebrity is a premium service, and why should other passengers have to the cover that cost if you’re the only one covered in that urine?”

“No-one is forcing you to get splashback from Gerard Depardieu’s aisle-based pissing, and if you don’t want the extra charges, just don’t sit so close to him.”

Gerard Depardieu supplement

Customers have expressed outrage at the new charge, and said that competitors such as CityJet were letting them get soaked in as much celebrity piss as they wanted -completely free of charge.

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Regular flyer Shane Matthews told us, “If I wanted to pay for someone famous to piss on me, I’d try and join one of Max Mosely’s favourite clubs.”

“If that O’Leary bloke thinks I’m going to pay for the privilege, he can think again.”

“In fact, I would highly recommend people start carrying on their own celebrity piss, just make sure it’s in a bottle of 100ml or less.”