Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall launches ‘Cooking with Looters’ recipe book

author avatar by 13 years ago

Never one to shy away from revolting sources of protein, Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall has launched a recipe book for those looking for a home-cooked looter-based meal.

It’s not the first time the public has been encouraged to devour unsavoury ingredients. The Anarchists Cookbook paved the way in the ’80s, and kebabs remain popular to this day.

But Hugh is hoping to eliminate an invasive predator, whilst also reducing family housekeeping bills.

“Most looters are free-range,” enthused the celebrity cook. “But keeping them on a diet of XBoxes makes them as tender as veal.”

“If you’re unlucky enough to get the odd tough one, it can easily be tenderised with baton rounds.”

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Cooking looters

There are some moral issues to be tackled, as Hugh explained. “Preparing a looter for a tasty ‘fair game pie’ or ‘blackberry fool’ can involve handling stolen goods.”

“So always wash your hands of them first. Why not try using a water cannon for that authentic looter experience?”

Hugh claims that tastes are changing, “They used to be popular served with a liberal, sugar coating, but these days the public want them freshly battered.”

While some critics claim the looters leave a nasty taste in the mouth, most agree that they have a lot of benefits.

Hugh has attacked government policy in the past, condemning the practice of letting small looters go, but he’s glad that they’ve finally seen sense

“It was a waste to throw them back, they never seem to grow up properly anyway.”

Hugh has one final piece of advice for people wanting to make a meal of the rioters, “You’ll find them on most high streets, but you have to make sure they’re labelled properly.”

“I recommend the ones that are welfare farmed.”