Sean Hoare’s death very, very suspicious, insists everyone except the police

author avatar by 13 years ago

The entire population has revealed that it is treating the death of former News of the World journalist, Sean Hoare, as very, very suspicious despite the police’s insistence that there’s “nothing to see here”.

Members of the public have been left scratching their heads as they try to rationalise in their minds how the death of the former showbiz journalist who blew the whistle on Andy Coulson’s phone hacking involvement cannot be considered even slightly suspicious.

A police spokesman said the death was currently being treated as unexplained, but was not thought to be suspicious despite the fact that it looks about as suspect as a large man wildly swinging a chainsaw about while wearing a mask made from human skin.

Sean Hoare unsuspiciousness

The spokesman told reporters, “Of course we can understand why people might think that it’s worthy of further investigation, but we can assure everyone that there are none of the tell-tale signs of foul play that you might expect from a massively powerful organisation trying to cover its tracks.”

“We’re in full control of this investigation and we are determined to get to the truth, as we see fit to interpret it.”

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“We’re the police, what could we possibly have to hide?”