Ethiopia drought raises spectre of new Geldof release

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Drought conditions across the Horn of Africa could result in a disastrous charity single fronted by Bob Geldof, experts warned last night.

As African crops fail, the UK has pledged £38m in food aid in an effort to deter Geldof from picking up a guitar, but starving recipients have been warned that most of the food is likely to be British.

However, International Development Secretary Andrew Mitchell said that other countries must give money if a full scale Geldof charity single is to be avoided.

“Following reports that Geldof has been on the phone to Midge Ure, Britain is acting quickly and decisively to stop this crisis becoming a catastrophe. We will provide vital resources to 1.3 million people and pray that this single never makes it to vinyl.”

Oxfam welcomed the announcement and said the money could not come soon enough.

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Humanitarian director Jane Cocking said, “There are already rumours that Geldof has written two pages of lyrics around a loose chord structure , including a bold attempt to rhyme the word famine with ‘jammin’.”

“Other donors now need to follow suit and increase their aid before he comes up with a rhyme for malnutrition.”

Geldof on horizon

Save The Children’s emergency adviser, Matt Wingate, said, “Money pledged by the UK government will mean that aid agencies can get life-saving help to hundreds of thousands more children before Bono and Chris Martin get involved.”

The famine holds painful memories of the 1984 tragedy for many in the west who dislocated their shoulders following Geldof’s call to ‘throw their arms around the world at Christmas time’.

Cocking continued, “Last night I received information that Geldof has been in touch with the surviving members of Bananarama. So we are talking about an extremely serious situation.”

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