After the Daily Express printed a depiction of how Princess Diana might look at 50, their Daily Mail rivals have been forced to go one better.
The artist’s impression in the Express showed ‘how the princess would have looked on her milestone birthday’ if she had taken up smoking forty cigarettes a day and replaced her moisturiser with anti-botox.
It was featured alongside a headline warning of a ‘90°F Killer Heatwave’, with the offer of a free pair of flip-flops so that readers could be appropriately dressed as they killed themselves in the sun, proving their claim to be ‘the world’s greatest newspaper’.
The Daily Mail will now attempt to topple their rivals from that position by matching their giveaway and trying to ‘finally out-Diana them once and for all’.
Editor Paul Dacre explained, “As they’ve shown how she might have looked on her 50th birthday had she been alive, we’ve been left no other choice but to show how Diana will actually look on that special day.”
Daily Mail integrity
“In the interests of our journalistic integrity, we respectfully and repeatedly asked the Spencer family if we could exhume her grave so that we could get a genuine photo of the princess’ skeleton,” he continued.
“But for some reason that request was denied, so we’ve decided to get some of our pseudo-scientists and photo editors together to give us the closest possible representation of what our readers would imagine Diana’s skull looks like today.”
“I’m sure they’ll think it’s pretty accurate,” Dacre added. “I just wish she was alive to see what she would look like now that she’s dead.”
The picture will feature on the front page on Friday beneath the headline ‘The Princess of Skulls’ and an offer of a free cancer screening for every reader.