Villa fans relieved as Zawahiri takes over at Al Qaeda

author avatar by 12 years ago

Aston Villa fans concerned at their club’s next managerial appointment have expressed relief after Ayman al-Zawahiri was taken out of the running.

The list of desperately unpopular people in line to get the job is now limited to Alex McLeish, George Osborne, and the bloke who murdered Jo Yeates.

Season ticket holder Malcolm Robotham told us, “Sure, Zawahiri might not have much football experience, but he can motivate his charges, his teams are always fully committed, and he’s used to working to a budget – plus he’s never got anyone relegated.”

“So you can understand why the fans were concerned that Randy Lerner would at least want to bring him in for an interview.”

“Fortunately he’s landed his dream job with Al Qaeda, so that’s one less person to worry about.”

Villa’s new manager

Fans have protested at the club over suggestions that Zawahiri was in line to be the new boss, though some insisted he was merely the ‘best of a bad bunch’.

Fan Ian Everall said, “If it’s a choice between a man who relegated our arch-rivals twice in four years, or a man hell-bent on destroying Western civilisation, then I’m really not sure who I’d prefer as the next Aston Villa manager.”

“Who could attract the better players?”

A source close to the club gave conspiracy theorists one tiny morsal to go on, telling them, “After seeing the way Birmingham City collapsed into relegation last season, who’s to say McLeish has not been on the Villa payroll since the day after the League Cup final?”