Actual UK population is probably 400 million, screams Daily Mail

author avatar by 12 years ago

Following the release of figures of asylum seekers in the UK, the Daily Mail have warned that the population in the country will soon be overtaking that of Asian giants India and China.

They have claimed that approximately 300% of those looking for amnesty on British shores are allowed to remain here, taking our jobs and eating our caviar.

Seizing upon a critical report which says whatever it is they want it to, the Mail have printed the details which portray the scale of the problem that the UK is now facing.

Many commentators have voiced their concerns that the uncontrolled influx from Eastern Europe has failed to displace the native population of places like Coventry.

It also points to a very large number of immigrants who cannot be accounted for as they cannot be identified or located, with fears that they may have ended up somewhere out of the reach and jurisdiction of the authorities, such as Middlesbrough.


Mail Editor Paul Dacre expressed his horror, “This report proves the shocking lack of effectiveness of our immigration control.”

“Billions of people are being allowed to stay in the UK indefinitely, despite having funny coloured skin and being less welcome than the FA at a FIFA conference after-party.”

The Coalition government has been in the firing line immediately, especially after hopes that it was going to halt all cross-border movement within hours of its election last May.

One Tory MP moved to calm the panic, telling the house, “Let me assure you that those of use completely isolated from the effects of immigration here in parliament are suitably-horrified by this new information.”

“The last thing we want is yet more people on top of the lingering British working-class, who persist in getting in the way of us helping our friends in the city and getting every single one of our children into Eton.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) T-shirt