FIFA has solemnly declared that Sepp Blatter is at one with the Holy Spirit, immune from wrongdoing and incapable of sin.
Blatter had been accused of allowing corruption to go unchecked within the organisation but FIFA has proclaimed that a blasphemy and his accuser has now been eternally damned with excommunication.
“The Holy Spirit descends upon all our presidents on the night of their election,” a FIFA spokesman confirmed, “so Mr Blatter is utterly infallible and totally without sin”
“That may seem like a drawback when it comes to leading an organisation as corrupt as ours but it seems to work just fine for the Catholic Church, don’t you think?”
“And they say the Spirit of the Lord works in mysterious ways, so I’m sure it may have some chance of getting its holy head around what Sepp has been doing at FIFA.”
Followers have taken the declaration as Gospel and are now drawing comparisons between Blatter and his infallible counterpart at the Vatican.
“It’s unfair really,” Cardinal Nolberto Torres said, sympathetically. “It’s one thing being the Pope but the Holy Sepp’s in a whole other league because this makes Him the Pope for football.”
“Hopefully that’ll mean that He’s a Pope that the masses of Godless heathens and possibly even Rangers supporters can learn to love.”
“So let His light shine upon them.”