President Barack Obama has begun his visit to the UK by praising Britain’s dog-like devotion and promising that he has a special treat in his pocket.
Prime Minister David Cameron welcomed his American counterpart with a speech about the ‘special relationship’ between the two nations but Mr Obama offered a more accurate, in-depth interpretation.
“They say that a dog is a man’s best friend,” the President began, “but Britain is the best dog anyone could ever hope to have.”
“I just want to ruffle your fur and tickle your belly every day of the week because you just love that, don’t you? Oh yes, you do!”
Despite having a puppy for his family pet at the White House, Mr Obama gave assurances that he will always think of Britain as ‘The First Dog’.
“You’re my first doggy! Yes, you are.” The President continued. “And you know why, don’t you?”
“Because no matter what kind of stick we throw, I know you’ll just run along and bring it back with your cutest little smile on your face and your tail wagging for your master – even when we get you to chase a stick that isn’t even there.”
“We just can’t help doing that,” he added. “But you never learn, do you?”
“Now fetch! Gotcha!”