IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn has claimed he only tried to fuck a New York maid because he thought she was a small Caribbean island in financial difficulty.
Mr Strauss-Kahn was remanded in custody in a New York jail despite protesting his arrest was merely the result of a case of mistaken identity.
An IMF spokesperson explained, “Forcing our engorged corporate genitals into the tiny crevices of small financially suffering countries is what the IMF is all about.”
“Once inside we pump them until they do exactly as we instruct – which only makes us harder. It’s a power thing, you know?”
“We can only apologise if Dominique mistook her for somewhere like Jamaica. He basically just went into autopilot and did what we the IMF have been doing for years – is that really his fault?”
IMF chief arrest
Strauss-Kahn is being held in the notorious Rikers Island jail, with one former inmate claiming he will be having a rough time at the hands of the other residents.
He told us, “Do you know what they do in jail to the sort of perverts who regularly fuck over small financially-dependent countries? It ain’t pretty. I wouldn’t want to be him right now.”
“Sure, he’ll cry that the small countries wanted it, and gave their full consent to what the IMF did to them, but everyone knows they had no real choice in the matter.”
“The sooner these sickos are locked up, the better.”