New legal highs need groovy names if they are to catch on, say researchers

author avatar by 12 years ago

New recreational drugs with names such as MDAI and iso-ethcathinone need to be re-branded with cool street names if they are to become established, market research has shown.

In a survey conducted in nightclubs throughout the UK, only four in ten guinea pigs were willing to hoover the potentially life threatening chemical iso-ethcathinone up their already ravaged nostrils.

However, if the same substance was offered with a ridiculous name like ‘Yo-Yo’ or ‘Anthrax’, people were twice as likely to indulge in the act of self-harm before making outlandish claims like ‘this tune is banging’.

“It was a bit like the Daz doorstep challenge,” researcher Julia Wanstead explained, “only this stuff was far more lethal.”

“It didn’t actually matter what we called it, as long as the name didn’t sound like something that’s listed on the back on a bottle of bleach, which it is.”


“We even told that to one of the volunteers – known as ‘Ricky the Dyson’ – and he was still happy to snort it,” Wanstead continued. “He even told me that he loved me for it and gave me big, sweaty hug.”

“Though to be honest, he had just finished sniffing up some dust and what looked like cat hair that he had found in the corner.”

Dealers have now begun re-branding their products with names that capture the imagination before ministers beginning advertising the substances in their attempts to have them outlawed.