The ECB is at the centre of a racism storm after making the controversial decision to select an actual Englishman to be the new captain of the England ODI team.
Despite there being a plethora of more experienced overseas players in the squad, South African born Andrew Strauss has been replaced with Alastair Cook, leading critics to suggest the England and Wales Cricket Board were favouring the few genuinely English players at their disposal.
Spokesman Walter Trout denied the promotion of Cook was indicative of a hardline nationalistic streak becoming prevalent within the national team set-up.
“It’s just not the case,” he said. “We just feel that all those bloody foreigners – like Morgan, Prior and Trott – have enough on their plates trying to make England look like something that might remotely resemble a bunch of cricketers.”
“To burden them with their responsibility for the rest of the shambles they’re forced to call colleagues would just be unfair, so we’ve appointed one of our own to the post.”
“The fact that Cook has only played in three one day internationals in as many years can only be of benefit to the side as hopefully that will mean that defeat has yet to become a habit for him. ” Trout continued.
“Though that will probably just be a matter of time.”
Mr Trout went to reveal the ECB’s intention to further extend the criteria that allows a player to represent England to include persons able to name anyone who attended the royal wedding and are capable of making a defendable total in an ODI.
“As long as they remain aware that they are only there to play endless string of matches to allow us at the ECB to fill our cellars with the finest of wines, and that they will still be looked upon as turncoats who were disloyal to the countries that they still really belong to.”