ITV3 secures rights to Al Qaeda’s Got Talent

author avatar by 13 years ago

ITV3 has taken reality television to the next level by securing the rights to ‘Al Qaeda’s Got Talent’, a show which will seek to find a new leader for the ailing terrorist organisation.

The signing is something of a coup for ITV, as there had been much global interest for the rights to the highly anticipated new television format.

An ITV spokesperson said, “We were up against it, especially after we lost out in securing Geordie Shore.”

“We’re sure this will be a hit, and yet further evidence that the British public will watch just about any old garbage that we put in front of them.”

Al Qaeda’s Got Talent

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Though the exact format is a well-kept secret, early indications are that competitors will be asked to explain the terrorist atrocities they will undertake, whilst votes will be cast by the audience of wannabe martyrs and remote terrorist cells.

A spokesperson continued, “It will be compelling television. Will the audience be happy with Omar’s plans to sink a cross channel ferry, or will they prefer Ahmed’s audacious plan to attack a nuclear power station? It’s gripping stuff.

“We’re toying with the idea that the terrorist with the least votes each week is given a one-way ticket to Guantanamo Bay, but the producer said they’d rather blow themselves up on the stage.”

TV reviewer Marcus Williamson said, “It’s yet another victory for Al Qaeda, and the next step in their thinly-veiled plan to drag the West into a dead-brained stupor – I have to say their 2001 invention of Simon Cowell was an absolute masterstroke.”

“People will point to the 9/11 events of the same year, but Simon Cowell has done far more to destroy Western civilisation as we know it than those Twin Towers pilots – you have to admit it, that Bin Laden fella was a genius.”