Older peers to be taken out the back and shot, reveals House of Lords

author avatar by 13 years ago

The House of Lords is considering a cull of its older members in an attempt to cut the “unsustainable” numbers caused by David Cameron ennobling 117 people in less than a year.

The cull will be carried out by a countryside organisation who insist they only kill things for all the right reasons.

A spokesperson said, “We’ll do it humanely, by having them chased across some fields by a pack of dogs.  They won’t suffer.”

The average age for peers currently sitting in the House of Lords is 65, and with the total number hitting close to 800, reports have surfaced that the stench of stale urine has become overpowering, with some peers complaining of burning eyes.

A report from the independent Constitution Unit said the arrival of so many new peers in such a short space of time had had a “negative impact on the already stained furniture and carpets”.

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Peer Cull recommended

The first Peer earmarked to be destroyed will be 92 year-old The Rt Hon the Lord Carrington, who according to reports hasn’t moved from his seat since 1945.

“This can’t be allowed to continue,” insisted one of the younger members of the House of Lords, 83 year-old Lord Mackay of Clashfern.

“Marjorie is that you?”

“Where’s my other glove?”


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