After consulting with researchers who know some poor people, George Osborne is set to unveil a budget which will make an average family better off each year by the amount of change he loses every day.
With the budget to be delivered later today, many are expecting the headline figure of £45 to form the central theme to the Chancellors speech.
Osborne is said to have told Treasury insiders, “£45 a year is good, right? They could probably hire a maid to clean their dreadfully unpleasant houses for that, right?”
“After all, What sort of society are we building if normal families can’t afford to pay for people to clean their shit up after them?”
“I bet out in the real world this sort of money is enough to make people like me.”
Budget due today
NewThump will be providing live coverage of the budget from 11:30am this morning, and will provide you with detailed analysis as the changes in financial policy emerge.
Coalition leaders have been quick to defend Osborne, insisting that their research also shows that £45 a year is a lot to an average family.
Senoir party official Robert Walden-Smythe said, “We have pretty strong evidence that people would rather have £45 than not have £45.”
“Mainly because nobody is getting any pay rises and everything costs a lot more than it did six months ago.”