US state of Utah names official state murder weapon

author avatar by 13 years ago

The US state of Utah has become the first to designate an official state murder weapon, proclaiming the Browning M1911 as its preferred weapon of choice.

The .45 calibre Browning M1911 handgun was named the state’s preferred murder weapon thanks to the fact that it was designed by Utah native, John Browning.

Sponsor of the bill designating the weapon, Carl Wimmer, told reporters, “I want people to know that if they get shot in Utah, it’s going to be with a solid American weapon, not one of these foreign contraptions.”

“The Browning has an excellent track record of killing the people it’s been fired at, and it was really the only logical choice for Utah.”

“We are proud to be the first state to officially designate a state murder weapon, but I doubt we’ll be the last.”

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“I can see a future where all murders across our great nation are committed using only those weapons that hold a special place in the hearts of the local community.”

Utah names state firearm

Utah residents have welcomed the move, insisting that Browning M1911 represents all that is good about the state of Utah.

Salt Lake City resident Randy Fienman told us, “I couldn’t be happier with the news. What we have here is state backing for a solid weapon that you can be sure will kill its intended target.”

“I know that if ever I want to commit a murder, I couldn’t be happier that Utah wants me to do it using the Browning M1911.”

However New York resident Mike Goldberg told us, “This is a land-locked state whose official bird is the Sea Gull, nothing these people do should surprise us.”