Ferguson to ban touchlines

author avatar by 13 years ago

After the Football Association banned Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson from the touchline for five matches, Ferguson has responded by banning all Manchester United employees from engaging with touchlines at any time.

Ferguson was banned for berating referee Martin Atkinson for his inappropriate behaviour in insisting on applying the laws of the game in the manner for which they were intended.

A spokesperson for Manchester United explained that all touchlines have already been removed from Old Trafford, and will not be allowed back in until the manager agrees to it.

The manager himself explained his decision, telling reporters, “I don’t care if there is some sort of contract that says we as a club are legally obliged to interact with touchlines – as far as Manchester United is concerned they no longer exist.”

“We will continue to go about the process of winning football matches without any consideration of touchlines whatsoever – we will simply go wherever the football takes us.”

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Sir Alex Ferguson touchline ban

The ban on touchlines has already caused concern throughout the Premier League, with many managers unhappy at the stance taken by Ferguson.

Stoke manager Tony Pulis told reporters, “I guess this means he thinks he can make Rory Delap take a throw-in from half-way up the stands now does it?”

“What’s next, jumpers for goalposts?”

Manchester United fan Simon Matthews told us, “Unfortunately, once Ferguson’s mind is made up, that’s it.”

“Just because there are a clear set of unambiguous rules which clearly state he is contractually obliged to interact with touchlines, doesn’t mean he will.  Just ask the BBC.”