We’re going to help people find jobs that aren’t there, reveals Work and Pensions Pixie

author avatar by 13 years ago

Work and Pensions pixie Iain Duncan Smith has revealed details of the Welfare Reform Bill that he claims will ensure that people taking jobs that don’t exist will be better off than dirty grasping unemployed scum.

The former Conservative party leader claims that the plans will lift one million people out of poverty as they will see their earnings increase by £25 per week after they go back to imaginary work in jobs that don’t exist.

Other key changes will include wretched puke-infested vermin who refuse to take the work that isn’t there facing a maximum three-year loss of benefits.

There will also be a reduction in housing allowance for any work-shy layabouts that fail to pluck a job out of thin air.

Government outlines benefit reforms

Grabbing, flea-ridden spongers who currently claiming unemployment benefit have spoken excitedly about a fairytale future that promises to lift them from their foul and needy existence into a world full of laughter where people treat each other with respect and kindness.

NewsThump best selling notebooks

“I can’t wait to get a job,” revealed long term unemployed filth-shit Gavin Bastard.

“I was worried that with the increase in unemployment that jobs would become more scarce, but It’s great that the government are making plans to create some imaginary ones for us to do.”

“Gawd bless ya, Mr Duncan Smith!”

NewsThump Hoodies