Secretary of State for Justice and former Chancellor of the Exchequer Kenneth Clarke issued a stark warning to Middle England over the weekend, warning that cuts could see the middle classes reduced to drinking wine they wouldn’t normally even cook with.
In an interview with The Daily Telegraph Mr Clarke said, “The middle classes have always taken great comfort from eating Italian bread that ordinary people struggle to pronounce.”
“They may not currently be familiar with the wines of Blossom Hill and Ernest Gallo, but they may well become more closely acquainted over the course of the year.”
“They are going to have to wake up and smell the coffee, but it won’t be a Coffee Yauco Selecto from Puerto Rico, it will be freeze dried instant from the Waitrose Essential range.”
Ken Clarke warns middle-classes
The prospect of eating bread that has already been sliced has been met with anger by those members of the middle class who are fearful for the future of dinner parties.
Hilary Williams-Smythe told us, “When the government said that we’re all in this together, I assumed they were talking to those on benefits and people working in the public sector who provide services that I don’t use.”
“To think of myself in the same category as someone who eats bread that sounds like it was made in Northern England is absolutely horrifying.”
A Waitrose spokesperson has revealed that they are already taking steps to make items from their Essential range appear more appropriate for their traditional customer base.
“It’s only a small thing, but our research shows our customers are much happier if we call Fish Fingers ‘Doigts de Poisson avec l’omega trois’, instead.”