Phones no-one uses to run operating system no-one likes

author avatar by 13 years ago

Mobile phone manufacturer Nokia has announced a strategic partnership with Microsoft, creating the perfect marriage of phones nobody uses with an operating system nobody likes.

The announcement comes as Nokia’s CEO Stephan Elop admitted his firm were on a ‘burning platform’, surrounded by the twelve thousand different handsets his company makes, each with a target market of less than five.

He told reporters, “For many years now Nokia has been cultivating an image as a manufacturer of specialist phones that hardly anybody uses any more, and so the only way for us to really cement our position as the fastest shrinking mobile phone company is to use a Microsoft operating system.”

“I’m sure with the combined weight of two huge technology companies behind it, this venture will be taken to the heart of every technology fan.  It will, won’t it?”

Nokia and Microsoft Alliance

The news has been met with a mixed reaction across the industry, with some manufacturers unsure how this latest development will play out.

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An unnamed Apple iPhone source told us, “Oh no, woe is me!” before putting the back of his hand to his brow and looking into the distance.

“This is simply terrible terrible news.  I can only hope they don’t waste – sorry, I mean invest – hundreds of millions of dollars in this venture that will absolutely definitely succeed.”

“I am terrified at what this means to my business, definitely.”

A spokesperson for Blackberry said, “Ha! That’s brilliant, I’m going to use that one in the pub later.  Genius.  Wait, what? You’re serious?”

“Oh, well, in that case I’ll go on record saying that it was nice knowing Nokia whilst they lasted.”