Newcastle have unveiled their new signing, Shefki Kuqi, to a crowd of thousands of cheering Sunderland fans keen to provide the Finnish international with a hero’s welcome.
Newcastle, who recently sold Andy Carroll to Liverpool for the sum of £35m, have pulled out all the stops in finding a replacement for their former Number nine by signing the former Stockport hotshot, whose contract with Swansea was terminated using some petrol and a box of matches.
Newcastle boss Alan Pardew has revealed that Kuqi has all the attributes that he and chairman Mike Ashley were looking for.
“He’s available, he doesn’t cost anything and he owns a pair of football boots.” Pardew told reporters.
Shefki Kuqi signs for Newcastle
Sunderland fans were quick to hail the signing as “beyond their wildest dreams”.
“I don’t think it possible that Newcastle could have made a signing as popular as this one,” enthused one Sunderland fan through tears of uncontrolled joy.
“I haven’t been this happy about a Newcastle signing since they bought Titus Bramble for £5m, or spent £8.5m on Hugo Viana.”
“I think I speak for all Sunderland fans when I say that we are looking forward to the rest of the season with a renewed sense of optimism – all thanks to Kuqi.”
Newcastle have tried to calm the concerns of the club’s fans by insisting they’ll dip into the fee raised from Carroll’s sale by making a swoop for experienced Leyton Orient striker Scott McGleish in the summer.