BBC dismay as Top Gear loses out to TalkSport in bid to sign Keys and Gray

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Top Gear producers have been left deflated after admitting defeat in their attempts to sign former Sky Sports duo Richard Keys and Andy Gray.

Gray and Keys have signed for TalkSport radio and will present an afternoon show crammed full of misogyny and barely concealed innuendo when discussing the sports stories of the day.

Top Gear spokesmexican Manuel Gomez told us, “It’s a blow for us, definitely.  Gray and Keys had just what we were looking for in trying to freshen up our format.”

“We thought they could review a series of people carriers, explaining to women how they work, and then watching, hour after hour, as one of them tried to park it.”

“Also, we destroy so many cars in the show that we were pretty sure we could use Richard Keys’ new catch-phrase, ‘Would you smash that?’ at least once an episode.”

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Gray and Keys join TalkSport

Richard Keys and Andy Gray spoke of their delight at joining an organisation that revels in the type of banter for which they are now better known.

Keys told reporters, “We’re looking forward to the challenge – that challenge mainly being to ensure that any distasteful opinions we express are completely picked up by the studio mics and immediately broadcast to an audience of morons willing to pay a premium rate to tell us why we’re wrong.”

“If we say anything controversial off-air, we’ll be in big trouble – but for the exact opposite reason as before.”

“That’s pretty much all it says in our contract.  That, with a big number at the end.”

“For some reason the management seem to think we’re something of a gold mine.”

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