The ‘chav knighthood’ ASBO is to be replaced with a more derisory PAEDO acronym to deter offenders simply trying to improve their street cred.
The Under-Secretary of State for Crime Prevention, James Brokenshire said the government believed it was time to resort to the same sort of rabid name calling that had swept them half way to power in the 2010 general election.
He told reporters, “The Asbo’s simply aren’t working, they have become a badge of honour for the intolerable, making their owners more popular with their peers than if they were awarded several A stars at A-level.”
“There comes a time where you just have to throw in the towel and say, yes – you may well have won the battle for the streets up and down the country, but we will have a new acronym so devastatingly insulting that we will be able to reduce police numbers even further.”
“And that’s where the Preventative Action Enhanced Discipline Order (PAEDO) comes in.”
ASBO replacement announced
Mr Brokenshire went on to state that the government’s own research suggested that the biggest deterrent against anti-social behaviour is the fear of being mocked by your peers.
“And what better deterrent than having all these little chavs labelled as paedos? Nobody likes being called a Paedo, so we think it’s perfect.”
“Communities will rally round to daub their homes in red paint, they’ll find themselves ostracised from polite society, and we won’t have to lift a finger.”
“All because they played their stereo too loud for Doris at number 62.”
“Like I said, it’s perfect.”