Marketing professionals are celebrating yet another a magnificent victory in yesterday’s Super Bowl XLV, after securing unprecedented levels of coverage for their range of tawdry products during an American football match.
In a match between the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers, which was won by one them 31-25, all eyes were on the brands that could most successfully exploit their exposure to tens of millions of American wallets.
NFL spokesperson Walt Gamington told us, “Each year we wonder where we are going improve on the previous year’s successful extraction of US workers disposable income, and yet we continue to do so, time and again.”
“I think that’s it’s a testament to the skills of our nation’s marketing professionals that even in such financially challenging times we were able to secure $3m for a 30 second commercial in the middle of a ball game.”
“We’ve got sponsored cameras, sponsored drinks providers, sponsored breaks, sponsored time-outs, sponsored lines on the pitch. It’s absolutely brilliant.”
Gamington continued, “We are running out of things to sponsor, admittedly, but I have faith in our nation’s capitalists to wring several million dollars more out of someone in time for next year’s event.”
“Each quarter back has eight fingers and two thumbs, there’s twenty sponsorship opportunities right there – you can have that one for free.”
“Aaron Rodgers’ right index finger – ‘brought to you by Frito-Lay Sunchips’ has a certain ring to it, no?”
“Sure, there are some people who will tell you that the Superbowl is an important sporting and cultural event in the US calendar – and I’d agree to a certain extent, so long as at the end of the day, commercial exploitation is the winner.”
English sports fans watched the Superbowl in wide-eyed bemusement, as the action was endlessly interrupted by marketing messages from companies promising to make your life immeasurably better, for a price.
Manchester United fan Shane Williams told us, “I know it’s difficult to comprehend, but watching the NFL’s Superbowl makes watching the Premier League seem like it’s staged in 1950s communist East Germany.”
There are also concerns among fans, after reports that Premier League boss Richard Scudamore spent the entire evening watching the actions whilst repeating the mantra, “Amazing, just amazing.”