Foreign aid moves in mysterious ways, claims Vatican

author avatar by 13 years ago

Revelations that £1.85m of UK foreign aid money was used to fund the Pope’s visit has prompted the Vatican to clarify the situation by revealing that like God, government funding sometimes moves in mysterious ways.

The extra money was transferred from the Department of International Development in order to make sure an old man in a dress had a nice holiday in the UK.

Though many have criticised the move, the Vatican has defended the extra funding insisting that diverting money from the poorest to ensure that the church retains its wealth is definitely in the bible somewhere.

A Vatican spokesman said, “You can use the bible to justify pretty much anything you like, and that is what makes it so important, not only to Catholics, but also to politicians – especially Republicans.”

“Remember, God has a plan for us all, and if that plan involves taking money destined for starving children and giving it to us, then who are we to question Him?”

Pope trip funding from overseas aid

The Vatican has already declared the diversion of funds to the Pope’s UK visit as a miracle worthy of veneration by the faithful, and further proof of God’s love of people who continually tell Him he’s brilliant.

The spokesman continued, “We’re already looking to convey a sainthood on whichever British civil servant approved the extra funding from the foreign aid budget. I assure you they are in our prayers night and day.”

“On the surface the funding arrangements might look a little strange, but to quote the bible ‘all thee that doubteth or question things that on the surface looketh a bit dodgy, but are in fact really greateth are fools’.”

“Erm, Sanctum, credendum, grillum, bakeum, fryum, eatum.”

“Anyone fancy a waffle?”